So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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