When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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