If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
