after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
