The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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