my phone needs a breathalizer
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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