Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
