You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
