My friends, they love my intelligence
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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