my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It's rum buckets o'clock
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
