reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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