I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
