I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
