It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
