i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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