Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
