her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
