So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
