why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
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Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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