i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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