do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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