apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
