I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
