The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
