someone get that fucking seahorse.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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