hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
