you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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