I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
His nipple licking is glorious
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