Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
