Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
