so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
