I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
