Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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