I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
