You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I can feel your judgement through the phone
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
