Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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