so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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