don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
