I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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