My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
whose ass print is on the piano?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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