u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize
