I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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