Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
