We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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