watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
