I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
