the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
