I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
