I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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