That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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