I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Less talking, more tequila
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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