i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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