My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
