I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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