Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Randomize
