i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
