So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
