There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My life is pants optional.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
