Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
