At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
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You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
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3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do