in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there