This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
two words...techno handjob
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me