Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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