I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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