He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
