she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
