bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
