You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
