She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
