I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
