Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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