Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
