can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Drunk is not a location!
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